She
by Teobi
Summary: One castaway thinks about another, and what might have been.


A/N: This is something I had in my files that was never completed. It's not going to be popular with everyone, but I wanted to dust it off and see what I could do with it. I want to try and branch out and write different scenarios and explore different feelings. It's a way of loosening up, because I've been way too rigid in my beliefs lately. I've thought about my approach to all the different ships and how I've acted in the forums and to be honest, I'm tired of being so single minded. If we want to grow as writers we sometimes have to tackle subject matter that makes us uncomfortable. Anyway- I won't jabber on any more. This is just something I wanted to take out of my files. You don't have to like it or review it if you don't want to. xx

oOoOoOo

He watches her through the window of the hut. She's with _him_ again, and she's laughing. Not gentle, quiet, polite laughter, no- she's throwing back her head and the sound is coming out of her like the trumpet of an angel heralding the birth of a new King. Her mouth wide open, her eyes squeezed tight shut. His stomach tightens but he can't look away.

He remembers her the first day he saw her. She boarded the Minnow clutching the plastic handle of her hand-me-down suitcase, shiny and happy as a little girl. He had watched her then too, from the shadows of the galley, the way the sun shimmered on her chocolate brown hair, the way her sun kissed cheeks appled when she smiled. He remembers her asking Ginger if it was all right to sit next to her. He remembers the movie star trying to be cool and sophisticated but then smiling at Mary Ann the same way that everyone else did- genuinely enthralled by her innocence, her enthusiasm, her curiosity and zest for life.

He remembers when the sun went in and the sky buckled and he recalls with dismay her fear and panic as the storm began, the lightning reflected in her widened pupils. He remembers not knowing whether to hold onto her or Ginger as the angry waves started throwing the Minnow around and both of the girls became ill. He remembers the Skipper yelling at the nearest able person to get everyone into the cabin. He remembers Mr. Howell demanding his money back as he was bundled down the gangway.

In the end, the movie star fell forward as the boat lurched and the decision was made for him. He remembers catching Ginger just in time and then watching miserably as _she_ went to _him_ and he pulled her close and yelled at everyone to do what the Skipper said.

He knows that ever since that day, there has been a connection between the two of them. And that things could have been so different if only he had held onto her instead of Ginger. But you can't turn back time. All you can do is try to steer the present on an even course and hope that the future takes care of itself.

He turns away and goes back to his own hut. He's working on a new irrigation system and it's important that he gets it right- the health of his friends depends on it, including hers, and including his. He puts his feelings back into the box and shuts the lid, tightly. He knows it doesn't do to let your feelings get in the way. Many a man has been brought down by love, and he doesn't intend to be one of them.

Her laughter rings out across the clearing and he tries to ignore the clenching of his heart. He tells himself that just because you love someone it doesn't mean that they're going to love you in return. And he knows it works both ways- he sees the look in Ginger's eyes when she comes to visit. He sees her hidden hopes and he knows she feels the same way about him as he feels about _her. _And he is not going to be the bad guy- he is not going to turn Ginger away because he knows how he would feel if _she_ turned him away. _O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive. _Sir Walter Scott- a man who knew how to effectively, beautifully, put thoughts into words.

Ginger arrives and he smiles at her and welcomes her into the hut. She's wearing a particularly fragrant perfume today and he decides he could quite get used to it. He puts his hand on her arm as she approaches the table and laughs with her as she jokes about all the paraphernalia strewn around. Her hair is perfectly coiffed. Her skin seems more flawless than usual. She picks up a bamboo test tube and strokes it, begins asking him questions. He finds himself drawn into the conversation and he's distracted enough not to notice when Mary Ann comes out of the girls' hut with Gilligan, the two of them skipping across the clearing like children. The flash of red, the sweep of her pigtails, a snapshot of perfection captured for just a few seconds in the frame of the open window, and then gone.


End file.
